Something's wrong
here. I don't know exactly what it
is...but something's definitely off. Yes
it's Springtime and love is in the air, but it doesn't feel right. The love here is different. It's almost like it's not understood in the
same way. People here talk about love
all the time, if not directly, then indirectly.
Everyone wants it, wishes it was everywhere, so they scatter it
everywhere. But what's being spread
isn't love. It's not. Love is not a word
you say to someone, it's a feeling that you have for them, and if you're lucky,
share with them. A feeling you can't
ever completely understand, because that takes the novelty from it. I want love, but not this kind. And I'm not picky or high maintenance. I just know that I need something stronger,
deeper, purer, than this.
I don't want a
love that rises and falls like the sun.
I don't want it to become a task, a chore, an obstacle. I can't have it be rooted in passion because
eventually the fuel will disappear. I
don't want anything too one-sided. I
don't want the idea of "give and take" to even exist. I don't want room for jealousy. I don't want
to have to demand respect. I don't want
a love based on a selfish need. I don't
want it to bind me, suffocate me, imprison me.
I want a love
that's freeing. One that allows me to
love myself for reasons I'm currently unaware of. When he looks at me I want to feel beautiful.
When he holds me I want to believe that I've reached the safest place in the
world. I want to smile to myself when I
smell remnants of his cologne in my hair.
I want him to want to talk to me solely to hear my voice, my laughter. I want us to allow each other to see the
world through each other's eyes. I want
honesty, respect, comfort. I want to
share everything, the most intimate things.
I want him to be my best friend.
I want him to make me a better person.
I want my world to come alive. I
want this love, this essence to overwhelm me.
I want its beauty to drive me to tears.
It's out
there...it has to be.
One of the most beautiful pieces of prose I've read =)
ReplyDelete