I don't know why all my most inspired ideas come to me at the most ungodly hours of the night...but I guess "se la vi". So here I am again, scrounging for my notebook with weary eyes, scavenging for a pencil within reach in the dimmed lighting; simply because I fear forgetting the thoughts that are flashing through my brain. I'm also confused I suppose, I have no clue why this came up, why I'm thinking about this when this period of my life has reached a close. Finally. But, in any case, I have obviously decided, subconsciously or not, that this thought was worth all of the effort.
"Change is nature." We are all continuously changing, slowly, gradually. However, each person also experiences defining moments that storm through in a flash, and change them forever. It happened to me. I'm not sure whether this is an ode or a lament to that moment, perhaps a little bit of both.
I remember it vividly, visually. I remember what you were wearing and what I was wearing. A salmon colored button-up which complimented your hair, a light blue graphic shirt to compliment my eccentricity. I remember what I was expecting, a release, a reunion, a reactionary. The anxiety and excitement fueled my already giddy gait. We walked, talked, sat; you away from me, the first clue. You complimented me, brushing away my doubt. Then you said it.
This part is a blur. Sensory overload. Fighting to understand while straining to retain composure. Trying to take in every word. The effort left me inescapably behind, lost.
You finish. My turn. That's how it goes right? You serve. I receive. But I was still lost. Sensory overload. In that flash, I changed. I can never again be who I was before that instant. I remember the image so clearly. So distinctly. My transition was quick, but certainly not painless. I was silent, but my spirit wept, perhaps for the first time, and I changed. That image will never leave me. Perhaps it never should.
I have been unsure of how I feel towards the person I've become since that instant, but I'll have to learn to love her, because I can never go back.
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